[b]Tell me why Do you always forgive the things I do to you You're too good Or am I not too bad Those six years Were the best that ever happen to me and you No regrets after all this fear We'll always be best friends Something between you and me Tell me why I can't find satisfaction somewhere else Not good enough Or am I way too bad Those six years I consumed all your energy And I didn't replace Sad enough I can't give you what you need We'll always be best friends Something between you and me Six years Such a long time Can't give you what you need Six years Such a long time Something special between you and me You and me[/b]
Okay, so a lot has been going on with me but for some reason I have had no desire whatsoever to post here at tBLOG. I don't know what it is...I've still been reading my tblog buddies' blogs, but when it comes to my own, I don't care anymore. :? So I guess I'll just stop posting for awhile.
I've lost interest in everything I love...
I didn't talk to L at all yesterday. It didn't bother me.
She wasn't at school today. For the first time, that didn't bother me either.
So I've been away for a few days. The phone line for the internet was down. Fixed it today. :)
My music teacher emailed me back.
"That is so cool. I can't believe you really got a hold of me, and that you wanted to. That really means a lot to me."
8)
She told me what she's been doing for the past four years. It was really cool hearing from her. She told me to "please keep in touch".
8)
School's going good. Still trying to get back into the routine, though.
Might be going to the mall to see a movie on Sunday. Plan is to go with Dustin, Ashley, and Ryan. Hopefully the weather is good enough. It'll be a blast.
The kids have local cable, and when they turned on the TV, it was on the local news channel. Ads and notices are shown nonstop while the local radio station supplies background music. Anyway, instead of the usual stuff, it was an elementary school Christmas program. I thought that was pretty cool. I asked the kids if they knew which school it was; they did. It was the school where my former elementary music teacher went to teach. I was so excited, just being able to see the back of her head! lol I'd been trying to figure out how to get in touch with her. I knew she had gone to Mexico to teach, but I didn't know if she was still there. Was good to know that she hadn't left. When I got home I went to the school's website and found her email address in the staff directory. Sent her an email, so hopefully I'll hear back.
She and I wrote back and forth when I went into middle school...Then she came to one of my band concerts in 7th grade...Found me afterwards and talked to me. Told me she was adopting. That was sweet. I later decided that she had gone that night as a sort of "good-bye". That was the last time I saw or talked to her. Four years ago.
Yep, that's right. I get to spend New Year's Eve with my kids. My two beautiful kids.
I'll be baby-sitting from 1 till 11:30. :wink:
I'll get home in time for the actual "moment", but I might just go to bed. If I'm not with friends, there's no real way to celebrate. I need my friends. lol
Today is Thursday, right? Right...I'm gonna watch ER tonight. I haven't watched it in a few weeks. Hope I haven't missed much.
Dave likes ER...*Sigh*
I haven't had a crush [i]like this[/i] since...well...I never have. lol I feel so girly!
Beautiful, isn't it? Couldn't resist taking a shot of tonight's sunset.
Had a pretty good day...Except for one thing. Let our puppies out of their pen so they could run around and play. It was a MAJOR mistake because I had no idea how jittery our new little beagle is. He is IMPOSSIBLE to get back into that pen. I was so frustrated...I even tried luring him into it with meat. Good meat. And it didn't work. I was so proud of myself for not cussing. Eventually, I gave up. Then my brother decided to tell me, "Dad doesn't want us to chase him because it will make him afraid of us." :roll: What's the use of having a dog that wont let you near it? Waste of money...Yeah, anyway, the dog was finally put back into his pen a couple hours later.
Jonathan surprised me with a call...right after my failed attempt with the puppy...I felt bad because I was in a bad mood at first. Then I was in a better mood but still not very talkative. :? I'm sorry, Jonathan.
I'm trying to find a new word to use in place of 'okay' because I use 'okay' way too much. I'm trying 'all right' but it just doesn't roll out of my mouth the way 'okay' does. Any suggestions? (Get a thesaurus for Christmas and find out 'okay' isn't in it)
Made L a mix CD last night. I don't know why. I'll get back to school and be like, "Here, I made this for you. Call it a late Christmas gift if you'd like." Even made a nice printout of the lyrics. I spoil her.
I'm wishing I had an extra CD so I could make myself a copy. I listened to it until I fell asleep last night. Natalie Merchant tugs at my heart with I'm Not Gonna Beg: "Scared now...What are you scared of?" [i]*Flashback*[/i] : "I'm sorry. I was scared." I'm not sure if that memory is good or bad...[i]Does it matter anymore?[/i] Anyway, I love the song.
I got [i]Eats, Shoots, and Leaves[/i] back from Mrs. Henke last week. :) I heart that book. I still have a chapter or two left to read. Then I'm going to read it again.
Mrs. Gilbert borrowed [i]Wicked[/i]...L still has [i]FFS[/i]...I'm like a library or something. I should start charging. Or make them carry a little card. Wouldn't that be fun?
I still miss Dave. A lot. Lol--I keep seeing him in my mind. Picture it: We're sitting in band last Tuesday, waiting to go to the Youth Center to play. He's in his section, I'm in mine. I look over and he just looks at me...I look away. I look back, and he's got his arm draped across the back of the chair sitting next to him, and he's pointing at it, motioning for me to go sit by him. That was the best thing ever. Cracked me up. I was joking around with Dustin the day before (or [i]was[/i] it Tuesday?) and told him all I wanted for Christmas was Dave. I honestly don't know why he and his girlfriend are still together. Anytime I see them together, she looks miserable. Then when he and I are together in one of our classes, we talk and laugh non-stop. IT'S TORTURE! *Sigh* Come on, Dave. lol
Okay, I think I'm done. WAIT! I meant...[b]All right[/b], I think I'm done.
I had a good time last night. Well, kind of. My 20-something year old cousins joked around about my getting drunk at Danny's wedding. Later in the night when they were talking about it, Danny was sitting there and was like, "Wait...You got trashed at my wedding?" He didn't even know. lol I just kinda nodded slowly and said, "Yeah...". Priceless. Then Sam was like, "Yeah, but you were pleasant." "Was I?" "Yes, you were. VERY pleasant." That's good, I guess.
I was mostly excited about going because I'd get to see my aunt. Well, I was hoping we'd have as good of a time as we did at the wedding. I realized last night that the reason we had such a good time at the wedding was probably because we both had been drinking...not just her. So last night I didn't have anything to drink, she did, and I hated it. Because it was like every other Christmas we'd had together: she has too much to drink and having a conversation with her is impossible. So last night I was really upset seeing her like that. I was kind of pissed off...I gave up trying to talk to her. She wouldn't pay attention to me anyway. Then she realized something was up and asked what was wrong. I said nothing, because I really didn't know how to explain it. She didn't believe me. Smart lady, even when drunk. lol Anyway, after that I wouldn't even talk to her. Walked away when she tried to ask me what was wrong (after the first 5 times she had) She asked why I wouldn't talk to her and I said "You know" and walked away again. I heard her say, "No...I really don't!" Felt kinda bad about that. Well, then when she left she accidentally took her mother's coat instead of her daughter's because they are identical. We called her on her cell and told her to come back (don't worry--her boyfriend was driving). When she did, I walked up to her with a piece of paper and a pencil and said, "Write down your email." I need her home account since her company let her off for some big legal financial fancy-schmancy reason and I can't send it to her work account. Anyway, she didn't even remember it so I gave her mine, told her not to forget it in the morning, gave her a hug, and told her I loved her. Silent treatments don't last forever with me...or a few hours, either. I've never done that to her. In a way, it felt good because it showed her that I was upset. All the times before, I just sat and took it. I've told her before, in emails, that it makes me upset. But last night I actually made it obvious THEN. And that felt good.
So, there ya go. Detailed description of my night. Well, one aspect of it. That's enough. lol
I'm feeling a lot better today. Sam called me last night because she was bored. We talked for more than an hour about what happened. That helped...
My step-dad went to town yesterday, so I made a list of things I wanted to get my mom for Christmas and gave it to him with a $50 bill. Wrapped the presents today. :)
Can't wait for tomorrow night. I'll get to see family...I'm most excited about seeing Linda. I can guarantee I'll be embarrassed to see everyone...Hopefully no one will mention how trashed I got at Danny's wedding. :oops:
For the past three nights I have dreamt about L...and about being able to run without my asthma bothering me. Sometimes they're in the same dream (though not connected in any way), and sometimes not. If I didn't know better I'd let myself think these dreams meant something. It'd be neat if they did...because they are GREAT dreams. I love dreaming...Sometimes it's all I have. If you know what I mean...
So today was our last day of school before holiday break. I am so glad I can sleep in tomorrow morning...and I don't have to worry about homework for awhile, either.
Yesterday was pretty cool...Had a substitute 6th hour so L got out of class to measure the stage for Speech and Drama stuff...She took me with her. :) When we were done with that we didn't feel like going back to class so we went to Mrs. Korman's classroom--She's the sponsor for Speech and Drama. She was having a Spanish class that hour, so it was fun.
Dustin bought me [i]The Plot Against America[/i], some yummy candies, and an ornament. I loved them all.
Today was a very laid back day. From 9:15 till 11 I was with band at the Youth Center (aka detention center). Wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. They really enjoyed it, too, so that was cool.
Mr. Mullins works there now! He was my sixth grade industrial arts teacher. It was so funny seeing him again! I hadn't seen him in five years...Wow.
Got back to school during 3rd hour. Dave and I were going to stay out of class because we had pre-calc, we were the only ones gone from our class for the band thing, I didn't have my homework done, and Dave was going to help me with it. It was the perfect plan. Then as we were walking to get my book out of my locker, our principal made the worst announcement ever: "Band students are now reporting to class". Nooooo! So we had to go to class...We walked in and everyone was eating, drinking soda, laughing, goofing off...Steinmetz was letting us have the day of for a Christmas party. (He took a picture of me with his awesome big honkin' camera) Wow. I still would have enjoyed studying with Dave more. :wink:
Then during 6th hour Mr. Calhoun was gone again...Left for vacation early, I guess. Anyway, since I was gone 2nd hour I didn't have a chance to print out my keyboarding projects. I asked permission to go do it...L went with me. lol Once I was finished we went to Mrs. Korman's room again. Her class was playing BINGO, Spanish edition. lol So L and I played along, even though she's never had a Spanish class--She's in French 3. lol A lot of the numbers are similar, though, so it was fun. And she actually won and got a prize, which I thought was great since she wasn't even a part of the class. She got this pencil that said "No toque mi lapiz" and when I told her what it meant she cracked up and thought it was hilarious. Every friend that she passed in the hall, she'd tell them, "I won Spanish BINGO!" like it was the greatest accomplishment of her life. And it made me laugh. After 7th hour she told Mrs. Gant about it. (Mrs. Gant teaches both Spanish and French.)
I went to say good-bye to Mrs. Henke after 7th hour. Her classroom is right down the hall from Mrs. Gant's, so right as I walked out, I saw her walking into Ms. Cobb's room, which is inbetween the two. I was thinking, "Oh, this will be great. I'll say 'Have a great Christmas' right infront of Ms. Cobb without even saying anything to [i]her[/i]..." :twisted: (I don't like Ms. Cobb very much and I think she hates that I like Mrs. Henke more than her. Ha ha) What a smack in the face, right? Well, I didn't want to do that, and luckily there were students standing around her desk.
Me: Mrs. Henke... Mrs. H: *turns* Me: Have a good Christmas! Mrs. H: You, too, Whitney! *starts walking towards me* Me: Awwww! Do I get a hug?! Mrs. H: Of course you do!
So I tried working on my response notes today...for language class...Yeah, I got to 12. Since I need two per chapter and there are 43 chapters, I need 86 responses. This means I need 74 more. lol So that's on the agenda for tomorrow + an essay. I love being a procrastinator until I HAVE to do what I should've already done.
Got into my "disenchanted mood" funk today. Was feeling really down during 6th hour, into 7th for reasons I'm not quite sure of. I even started crying during 7th hour. And then it got worse when I realized I didn't know hardly anything that I was supposed to know for the 3 page Spanish 2 test that was in front of me. I guess I shouldn't have stayed out all hour yesterday. Mrs. Gant got pretty upset and said that she was going to talk to my class sponsors--They leave it up to us to organize meetings [i]during[/i] class. Poor Mrs. Garrett. Ha ha--Yeah right. Have at her, Mrs. Gant.
[b][i][u]During 6th hour[/u][/i][/b]
Me: Do you still want to do something over break? L: ...Sure...I have to get my schedule, though.
Guess I'll take that as a no. Whatever.
I have so much to do over the weekend. I have to write an essay for my language 3 honors class, plus dialectical journal entries (fancy for response notes), both due Monday. I have a final to take in that class Monday...over [i]The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn[/i]. Joy. Happiness is written all over my face right now. Please, make it stop. :roll:
I'm so sarcastic it makes me sick sometimes.
I also have to write a ton of notes for biology 2. We have a test in there on Monday as well.
Tuesday is our last day before Christmas break. Thank Goodness. L and I were talking at lunch today about how much school sucks. She wants to drop out.
L: F*** school. I'm tired of it. Me: Just keep thinking about your [i]future[/i]. You need school. L: F*** my future.
All rightie then...(She's a sweet person. Honest.)
I hope I get a digital camera for Christmas. I even told my mom that I wanted it to be a family gift. That was all I asked for. Well, that and a thesaurus. 8)
I haven't posted at my blogspot account in like...forever. I'll probably change the layout. I want something exciting, something that makes me want to add to it. lol Maybe I'll just make it my backup...
Except...I missed all of 7th hour because of a prom committee meeting so I didn't get to talk to Dave. :( But at least we had a good conversation during band. Dustin told me some good stuff 6th hour about Dave. Involving me. Good stuff. I'm happy. I also heard that we will be getting another free day in band tomorrow. I hope that's true. You can guess why. :wink:
I think L and I are going to see The Phantom of The Opera when it comes out during Christmas break. We both have mixed feelings about it...The movie, I mean.
She looked like a Spanish dancer today. Someone gave her a little carnation bouquet thinger and she put it in her ponytail...It made me wish I had a camera. Would've made one hell of a photo.
I'm gonna be an awesome photographer, just you wait.
So I stayed home from school Tuesday...Sick, ya know...Came back yesterday and L was gone. Saw her this morning talking to Steve in the hall and I was just going to walk past until I heard her say, "Steve, I almost had a heartattack..." I turned around and was like, "Whoa, wait, what?" She kinda laughed and explained that her Christmas bonus from work (a bank) was way more than she expected, especially since she only works 8 hrs. a week. Wow. lol I was like, "Dude, you should feel my pulse right now!" Whoa. Totally not why she was gone yesterday.
Band was hilarious. Our concert was awesome last night (got a standing ovation) so we got today off. Sat around and talked. Ate doughnuts, drank juice. Some people watched Dumb and Dumber...I sat with Steve, Dave, Matt, Tyler, and Laura. Dave fixed my pencil. Tyler poked me in my eye and explained that it was out of love because he couldn't "schtick" me or something to that affect... :? lol Then we were proofreading Dave's paper and I was like, "We could TOTALLY use a semicolon right here." Then I think it was Steve that said, "This isn't even going to be Dave's paper anymore...". Dave explained that he wasn't really all into punctuation and Steve and I agreed that if a semicolon were a person...*both at the same time*...WHOA (with hands in the air). I heart semicolons.
I have accomplished nothing today with my keyboarding assignment.
I don't have my notes done for biology 2. They're due 4th hour.
I don't have my pre-calc done. It's due next hour.
So we've been doing multiple projects in keyboarding class (I'm slackin' right now) and I haven't been on the computer at home in like...forever. Super busy, man...and grounded. lol
Band concert Wednesday night. Big duet part in one of the songs. Go me. 8)
In biology we have all decided that I am allergic to every glove MADE that kind of purpose...I was allergic to latex, nitriles, and then these lame little plastic things...
I kicked Steinmetz in class on Friday. He keeps joking with me about being Indian (which, by the way, I'm not and he knows it). Friday he moved me to a desk even closer to where he stands during class...I told him that it's a good spot so that if he mentions me being Indian, I can kick him in his shin, practice my kicking for soccer. So right as I finished saying that he said, "Sounds like something a Native American would do". [i]Bam![/i] He stumbled back (as an exaggeration) and went "Oh!" It was priceless.
Then I didn't have my homework done for the first time in a while and he goes, "Ma'am, you do that again and I will no longer consider you beautiful." I heart that guy...
Jazz band practice went well this morning. Hilarious, as usual.
Ha ha--Speaking of hilarious, I got a reminder note thing for our International Club party thing. It said something about we'll be creative and do projects and then in parentheses it said: (we'll be using sharp pointy objects, as usual) I cracked up when I read that.
Mrs. Henke thinks Ms. Cobb is holding me to a higher standard, which is what I (along with everyone else) thought also. Totally [i]not[/i] fair. Then Henkster was like, "Well, you did say you wished it was more than just a comma." Well, yeah. But I'd like to be graded harshly when it's [i]fair[/i]. Grrr...
Guess I'd better get to work now.
Jonathan, if you're reading this, I'm having withdrawals, too. :wink:
I think that is my life's mantra, my slogan...I am not chickenshit! lol
Yesterday in language class we got our research papers back...I got a 114/200. I was okay with that until I saw what the points were taken off for. I had two taken off because I didn't cite something correctly in my parentheses. Fine, that's cool. Whatever. Then I saw that I had four points taken off of my works cited page...There were no corrections or anything; I had cited my sources correctly (Tyler helped me). I had, however, double double-spaced between each entry because I didn't like the way it looked without it. lol So Ms. C put arrows showing I shouldn've left it and wrote "only 1 double-space". Okay...Then E and I were comparing our papers...Her works cited page (not to be mean and she knows what I mean) had marks all over it and none of her points were taken away...I sat there looking at hers, looking at mine, back at hers, back at mine. Finally I said, "Does anyone else see something wrong with this?!" My friends agreed, including E, that it was ridiculous. So I sat debating whether or not I should ask Ms. C about it. While she looks sweet, she is very intimidating, even to me. Ha ha. Friends tried to get me to go...I tried to get me to go...Finally I announced, "I'm goin' in! I'm not chickenshit! I'm not chickenshit!" My friends died laughing...
I only got two points back, after Ms. C took way too long trying to find what she took the four off for in the first place. "I can give you two points back. I think that's fair." FAIR?! FAIR?! Fair is being able to explain to me what was wrong with it! And she couldn't!
Our guys won their game last night. I think it was for 7th place. lol They played really well, though.
I watched two more games after that. The third was hilarious because Duschesne brought the wrong jerseys and had to wear our guys' (disgusting) + a couple extra of our girls' + a jersey from probably 10 or 15 years ago. It was so freakin' funny seein' two of their manliest players going up and down the court in jerseys with "Lady Wildcats" across the front. I couldn't stop laughing for the first few minutes of the game. I wish someone had had a camera...
I think it was during the first game that L left...I hadn't talked to her all night because she was working the NHS dinner (I hadn't signed up for anything). Then she came into the gym to tell someone something...I saw her, she saw me, but we didn't say anything. Then she was like, "All right, see you guys later" and left...I sat there for a minute thinking "go after her, say something, you're chickenshit, chickenshit, go, say something, you're such chickenshit...like hell I am". I politely charged out of the bleachers and found her walking down the hall. Called her name and asked why she was leaving. Said she was going to a party with a friend. Then a sophomore guy started calling my name, trying to tell me something. I told him to hang on but he kept talking. So L grabbed my arm and said, "I'll talk to you later." And poof...She was gone.
Matt, the sophomore dude, just wanted to complain to me about how a few girls hadn't been working their shifts and left all of the work to him and his friends. Ugh.
I haven't posted about L in awhile...Mainly due to the fact that she got upset last time...I felt really bad about that and totally saw where she was coming from...So from now on, no more posts that involve L personally. What she does is her business and though it hurt me in the last instance, I shouldn't have posted about it.
I guess I decided to include her in tonight's post because things have been going so well. For the past couple of weeks I've been in a great mood, thanks to her, but didn't post about it because I didn't want to mention her. But I think it's safe now.
I wonder if she meant to leave her packet of hot sauce in my locker Friday...She loved that packet of hot sauce. It's one of those from Taco Bell that have funny sayings on them...This one says something like "When I grow up I want to be a waterbed."
I'll give it to her tomorrow...
Oh darn...Just remembered I have jazz practice in the morning and I've gotta read some Huck Finn tonight...Better get off of here so that I don't have a late night.
This afternoon is the NHS dinner. I feel bad because I didn't sign up for any of the shifts, but oh well. I'm bringing my dang pie so that's good enough. Actually, the pie is required...Oh well.
I made cherry cheesecake. Creative, yeah? :roll:
I'm gonna stay and watch the basketball tournament. I don't think our team made it far enough to be playing tonight, but I'm not sure...We have a great football team but everything else isn't so great.
I heart my Aunt Linda. I emailed her about Bittersweet Everything and she emailed me back:
[i]"I absolutely love it. You are one talented young woman. Keep doing what you do best, you really have an old soul and understand more than most people ever will. Love you Whit. Sorry I can't write more right now, going to a meeting."[/i]
Then I thanked her and said I was glad she liked the lyrics. She wrote again and said, "No, I didn't like your words, I loved them."
:)
I can't wait for Christmas Eve. I'm really looking forward to seeing her at the Lewis Christmas party.
While dissecting fetal pigs in bio 2, I found out that I am probably allergic to latex. I used latex gloves the first day of dissection and the second day, though I used different gloves, I had a strange rash on certain parts of my hands. Grrr....Ms. Yocum had me use the latex gloves again yesterday so that if it happens again, we'll know it was the latex. I'm [i]still[/i] itching from it.
I'm going to start calling her Dr. Yocum...because she is. She has a PhD in something...Probably biology. lol Not sure, though.
Amber and I sang along with a Christmas song that was playing on the bus the other day...We sounded something like this: Nah nah nah-nah-nah-nah-nah, nah nah nah-nah-nah-nah, nah nah nah nah nah! It's the most wonderful time of the year!
So I haven't posted in awhile. This week has been pretty boring.
Even now I have nothing to post.
The thing with Dave...Yeah, it made me feel better but he hasn't said anything to me about it. I guess I expected him to, which was stupid. But I'm okay. I'm great.
[b]Me:[/b] *looks through notebook* I have something for you.
[b]Dave:[/b] Oh yeah?
[b]Me:[/b] Yeah. *hands him the letter*
[b]Dave:[/b] What's this?
[b]Me:[/b] It's...from when I lost my mind over the weekend.
[b]Dave:[/b] *grin* Oh yeah?
[b]Me:[/b] [i]quietly[/i] Yep. *exits room, goes to water fountain to avoid awkwardness*
I came back and Dave had a serious look on his face. I think I freaked him out. He hadn't read it yet, though...I wasn't gone for very long. Mrs. Gant decided that our seating chart needed a change. Something new and refreshed. So we curved the first two rows (since that's all our class needs) and played "musical chairs" to determine our new seats. Dave and I were pretty upset. We liked sitting in front of/behind each other. We made snide remarks during class. Laughed at things no one else did. Helped each other with unfinished homework before Mrs. Gant came by to check. So by the end of our fun little game, despite our attempts to stay near each other, Dave and I ended up on opposite sides of the room. Thanks to the mercy of the curve, we somewhat face each other. Throughout class I couldn't help but steal a glance of him...and hold back my smile when I saw that he had stolen one of me, too. He tried to get my attention to tell me something, since he could no longer just turn around or say it over his shoulder. This was a relief to me. I was afraid that 'the letter' would make things strange between us...I think it helped. I wonder if he'll write back...or if he even thinks he should. I hope he does. But if he doesn't that's fine because at least he knows how I feel. But if he doesn't I won't know if he even read it. I'm being paranoid about this. I think it's time for bed...
Yep, that's right. I get to spend New Year's Eve with my kids. My two beautiful kids. 
Beautiful, isn't it? Couldn't resist taking a shot of tonight's sunset.
OU going to the big game! Oh yeah! 8)